


The Obligatory Spin the Bottle Fic (Season 3 Edition)

by canufeelthemagictonight



Category: Escape the Night (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: And also they're all single, Cute, Dare, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Games, Group Bonding, Humor, Kissing, Multi, Party, Silly, Spin the Bottle, and also also this is ridiculous don't take it seriously, craziness, happiness, they're all teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-03 21:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16333757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canufeelthemagictonight/pseuds/canufeelthemagictonight
Summary: The whole thing is Joey's idea.In an AU where the s3 cast are just a bunch of high school students who arecertainlynot in danger of death, Joey Graceffa brings them all together to play a game of Spin the Bottle. Hilarity ensues.An Escape the Night AU. Will require audience participation (you'll see what I mean).





	1. Let the Games Begin

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Spin the Bottle: Class 79th Hope's Peak Academy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10427040) by [HW_MITYO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HW_MITYO/pseuds/HW_MITYO). 



> Between the s3 novel and If I Fall, I feel like I could use a break from all the angst. What better way to do that than by making all our s3 babies play a silly kissing game together?  
> Of course, this fic is only a side project. Therefore, it will only be updated sporadically.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey starts the game and explains the rules.

The whole thing is Joey's idea. "It's a group bonding exercise!" he proclaims, a twinkle of mischief in his bright blue eyes. "We'll all become better friends this way! Come on, guys! Who's with me?"

Well, it _is_ eleven o' clock on a Friday night, and they're all feeling a little giddy from the party, so none of Joey's nine companions object to this idea. (Well, unless you count Safiya rolling her eyes and muttering something under her breath, but she, too, joins the circle that's already forming.)

"So how is this gonna work?" Colleen wants to know.

"Oh, it's _very_ simple," explains Joey. "On your turn, you'll spin the bottle. Whoever the bottle lands on will have to kiss the spinner for a total of ten seconds!"

Matt raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "And what if we refuse?"

Joey chuckles. "If you refuse, you have to do a dare!" He displays a hat filled to the brim with slips of paper, and everyone immediately feels uneasy about the dares he might've cooked up. After all, Joey _is_ known for being dramatic.

"All right!" Nikita tosses her head and crosses her legs. "Bring it on, bitch! Let's do this!"

"Who's first?" asks Jc.

"I think it should be Teala," Manny suggests. "She's the youngest." He gestures to the girl two seats away from him, who's visibly nervous at the prospect of being the first to spin the bottle. "Doesn't the youngest player _always_ go first?"

Roi nods. "Yeah. You're right. What do you say, Teala? Are you up for it?"

"Oh..." Teala bites her lip. "Okay." She reaches for the bottle in the center of the circle, then gulps and draws her hand away from it, sweating profusely. Then, she repeats this process three more times.

"Just spin the bottle, honey," chirps Colleen.

"Teala," sighs Nikita, "I think you should just go ahead and spin it _right_ now. We don't have all night."

Rosanna smiles at her friend. "You can do it, Teala!"

"Do I _really_ have to?"

"Yes!" everyone shouts in unison.

Finally, Teala closes her eyes, mutters "here goes nothing," and reluctantly gives the bottle a spin. It rotates around the circle a few times before finally landing on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where you guys come in!  
> In the comments section below, comment about who you want the bottle to land on (in other words, who you want Teala to kiss). You can make suggestions based on a ship you have with her, or you can make them based on the silliest possibilities, or you can make them based on whatever reasoning you want.  
> Whichever character gets the most votes in the comments will be the one Teala has to kiss. Unless, of course, she doesn't _want_ to kiss them (or _they_ don't want to kiss _her)_ , in which case, _someone_ will have to do a dare!  
>  Each chapter will be a new round, and we're going in the order of introduction, which is why Teala is first. So get those suggestions ready! Have fun! ;)


	2. The Awkward Turtle (Teala's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Teala Dunn.  
> LIKES: Telling stories, doing her hair, soft pillows.  
> DISLIKES: Getting picked on.  
> CHANCES OF SURVIVING THIS CHAPTER WITHOUT RETREATING INTO A SHELL OF AWKWARDNESS: Zero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't even close.

Finally, Teala closes her eyes, mutters "here goes nothing," and reluctantly gives the bottle a spin. It rotates around the circle a few times before finally landing on **Roi Fabito.**

Teala gulps. Roi turns bright red.

 _"Yes!"_ shrieks Colleen.

"Huh?" Rosanna seems surprised at Colleen's outburst. "Why are you so excited?"

Colleen cackles victoriously. "I've been shipping these guys for the past six months!" she declares to the group. "Hold on." She whips out her phone. "I'm recording this. For posterity."

"Oh, of _course_ you are," snarks Matt.

"Well, Teala?" Joey turns to the trembling girl. "Do you want to do a dare? Or do you accept your fate as Roi's first kiss?"

This only reddens Roi's face further. "How did you know—"

"I'll kiss him, I guess," Teala decides.

"Yeah!" cheers Manny. "Go get your man! We're all behind you, honey!"

Joey shifts his attention to Roi. "And how about _you?_ The girl or the dare?"

Roi considers it for a moment. Everyone knows how much he loves dares (the "Parakeet Incident" is still fresh in all of their minds), so some of them think that he will take the dare this time as well. Others, such as Colleen, hold out hope that he'll kiss her. The silent tension is thick enough to smother every person in the circle.

Finally, Roi makes his decision. "If _she's_ okay with it," he announces, _"I'm_ okay with it."

"You heard the man!" whoops Colleen. "Roila's setting sail!"

 _"Roila?"_ exclaims a thunderstruck Safiya as Nikita giggles.

"Teala, you spun the bottle, so you get to make the first move," says Joey. "Remember, you two _have_ to kiss for ten seconds straight. If either of you pull away before I'm done counting, you gotta take the dare!" He shakes his hat to emphasize his point.

So, as everyone else watches (and Colleen records), Teala crawls across the circle to Roi. They're both sweating bullets. Teala awkwardly wraps her arms around Roi's waist, takes a deep breath, murmurs "sorry if I screw this up," and captures his lips with hers. Everyone cheers. Colleen appears to be dying of happiness.

Joey immediately starts counting. "One Mississippi! Two Mississippi! Three Mississippi!"

"Why is it Mississippi?" Matt wonders. "Wouldn't Massachusetts or Arizona be equally viable options for counting purposes?"

"Four Mississippi! Matt, shut _up,_ you're gonna make me lose count! Five Mississippi!"

Roi's face grows redder and redder with every second he spends kissing Teala. He doesn't seem to know what to do with his arms, so they just sort of dangle at his sides. Teala, who's _clearly_ the more experienced of the two of them (even if it's only by a little bit), has a "screw it" moment and deepens the kiss. Colleen squeals and nearly drops her phone. Joey smirks.

"Six Mississippi! Seven Mississippi!"

"She's gonna short-circuit his _brain_ at this rate," is Jc's quiet observation.

Nikita bursts into a round of applause. "Get it, girl!"

"Eight Mississippi! Nine Mississippi! Ten Mississippi! Okay, you're done!"

Teala pulls away and crawls back to her seat as fast as she can. Once she's there, she proceeds to curl up into a ball of embarrassment. Roi, meanwhile, looks dazed. He doesn't even blink until Jc waves a hand in front of him to see if he's all right.

"Well," says Joey, "we're off to a good start!"

"So how was it?" Colleen demands to know.

Roi blushes again. "Good," he admits.

"Awesome!" Colleen stops recording, puts her phone away, and grins. "We're gonna make a man out of you yet! You too, Teala!" She gives Teala a noogie despite Teala's attempt to squirm away. "Maybe you're not such an awkward turtle after all!"

 _"You're_ next, Colleen," Nikita points out, and she's right. Colleen is sitting to the left of Teala. That makes it her turn.

Colleen grabs the bottle. "Mama, I'm ready!" she cries as she gives it a spin.

Matt shakes his head. _"Are_ you?"

All eyes are on the bottle as it goes around and around. Joey starts humming "The Wheels on the Bus" to himself for no particular reason. Colleen crosses her fingers behind her back.

Finally, the bottle stops, and its latest target is revealed to be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, it's time to vote! Who do you want Colleen's spin to land on? Keep in mind, there's always the possibility of a dare...
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—??  
> Manny Mua—??  
> Jc Caylen—??  
> Roi Fabito—??  
> Nikita Dragun—??  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—??  
> Rosanna Pansino—??  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	3. All in Good Fun (Colleen's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Colleen Ballinger.  
> LIKES: Dancing, doing impressions, maintaining an active social life.  
> DISLIKES: Liars.  
> NUMBER OF CONTACTS IN HER PHONE: Two thousand, three hundred, and eighty-four (at last count).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This vote was significantly closer than the last one. In fact, it was too close to call! To make everyone happy, I promise, I will do a Jc/Colleen kiss in a later chapter. But for now, here's the one who won (barely).

Finally, the bottle stops, and its latest target is revealed to be **Safiya Nygaard.**

A few people gasp, but no one is more surprised at this than Safiya herself. She was _very_ reluctant to join the game in the first place (kissing games aren't really her thing), and she only did so because everyone else at the party agreed to it. Furthermore, due to her place in the circle, she was counting on going next-to-last. She wasn't expecting to be chosen for a kiss this early in the proceedings. And she _certainly_ wasn't expecting to kiss _Colleen Ballinger_ of all people.

"Colleen?" Joey shakes his hat at the dark-haired social butterfly. "Are you ready to take a dare?"

Colleen tosses her head back and laughs. "Bold of you to assume that I'm a coward, Joey Graceffa."

"So you're gonna kiss Safiya?" asks Manny, who's to Colleen's left.

 _"Hell_ yeah I'm kissing her! I'll kiss every last one of you if I have to! Do you think I joined this game to _not_ kiss people? Do you even know who I _am?"_

Teala uncurls from her Ball of Shame to reach for her phone. "I'm recording this," she says. "As payback."

"Payback?" Colleen shakes her head. "Teala, I did you a _favor!"_

Joey shrugs and zeroes in on the other half of the equation, who's sitting to the right of him. "Saf? You up for locking lips with Colleen? Or do you choose the dare?"

Safiya bites her lip and contemplates her situation.

"Oh, the suspense!" Teala leans forward in her seat, her phone pointed right at Safiya's pensive face. "Is Sophia gonna take the dare? Is Colleen gonna get re- _jec_ -ted?"

"Saf," advises Matt, "let me be blunt. You do _not_ want one of Joey's dares. The last time I made that mistake, I ended up on the Golden Gate Bridge in a Chica costume." He shudders at the memory. "Never again!"

This prompts a malicious snicker from Nikita.

"Do whatever you want to do!" chirps Rosanna, being her typical supportive self.

Safiya fidgets. "I..."

Colleen scoots forward until she's directly in front of Safiya. "You don't gotta take things so seriously, you know," she says softly. "It's just a game. It's not like we're gonna be girlfriends after this." She twists a strand of her hair around her finger as she talks. "It's all in good fun, ya know?"

"Yeah," agrees Safiya firmly. "It's just a game." She thinks about it for about ten more seconds, then sets her jaw. "I _suppose_ I'll play along with you."

"I worked _really_ hard on these dares, guys!" Joey pouts.

Jc chuckles. "Chill out, man. You'll get your chance eventually. Speaking of chances..." He gestures to Colleen and Safiya. "I guess Colleen's got to make the first move, since she spun it and all."

Joey nods. "Yeah. That's how it works."

An almost wicked smile appears on Colleen's pretty face. "I got this." She grips Safiya's rigid shoulders. "I'm the best kisser in the whole damn group, and I can prove it." With that, she goes for the kill.

"One Mississippi!" counts Joey. "Two Mississippi! Three Mississippi! Four Mississippi!"

"I still think it should be Arizona," jokes Matt, which earns him a glare from Joey.

Colleen's got a vast array of tricks in her kissing handbook, and she seems to be using every last one of them on Safiya. It's as if she's auditioning for the Makeout Olympics. Safiya, for her part, starts out tense and unresponsive, but a well-placed shoulder massage from Colleen causes her to relax into the kiss.

"Wow, she _is_ good," says Manny. "Should I be taking notes?"

Teala giggles and keeps filming.

"Five Mississippi! Six Mississippi! Seven Mississippi! Eight Mississippi!"

Rosanna, who's next to Safiya and thus gets a front-row seat to the whole thing, backs away from the kissing girls and bumps into Matt. "Ow!" He winces, then smiles affectionately at his best friend. "Careful, Ro!"

"Nine Mississippi! Ten Mississippi! Done!"

When Colleen and Safiya separate, Colleen's grinning like the cat who ate the canary. "Told ya!" she cheers. _"Told_ ya I'm the best!"

Safiya seems as stoic as ever. "You _do_ have talent."

 _"Damn,_ girl." Nikita is clearly impressed at Safiya's calm reaction. "You're taking this a lot better than I thought you would. They say that the _last_ bitch Colleen kissed ended up babbling French for the next hour."

"Well, _merci_ and _bonjour,"_ snarks Safiya dryly. Everyone laughs.

"Anyhow," says Joey in a very fake French accent, "Monsieur Manny, I believe it is your turn. Go ahead and spin the..." He frowns. "What's the French word for 'bottle?' Does anyone know?"

 _"Bouteille,"_ pipes up Matt.

"Thank you, walking encyclopedia."

"I am _not_ a walking encyclopedia!"

Manny takes the bottle from the center of the circle. "Here I go," he giggles nervously. "I'm about to snatch _all_ your wigs."

"Good luck, Manny!" Nikita shouts.

"What if you land on a girl?" questions Colleen. "Are you still gonna kiss her?"

Instead of replying, Manny spins the bottle with all his strength, and it careens around the circle like a missile. Rosanna squeaks. Roi, who's been dazed ever since his kiss with Teala, _finally_ says something, which is "Watch out!"

After several rotations, the bottle eventually runs out of steam, and it comes to a complete halt in front of...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, Colleen's becoming the central character in this fic. I suppose this is my way of coping with the upcoming scene with the Maiden in my s3 novel. _shudders_  
>  Anyway! It's Manny's turn! You know the drill! Who should the bottle land on _this_ time?
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—??  
> Jc Caylen—??  
> Roi Fabito—??  
> Nikita Dragun—??  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—??  
> Rosanna Pansino—??  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	4. Chase Your Dreams (Manny's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Manny Gutierrez, aka Manny Mua.  
> LIKES: Makeup, Instagram, rocking his best look.  
> DISLIKES: Stereotypes.  
> AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK HIM AND NIKITA TO GET READY FOR THIS PARTY: An hour and thirty-nine minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I go ahead and give the people what they want, I just wanna give a quick shout-out to Lucy112235 for going ahead and creating a s1 version of this! Go give her some love! Her fic is linked below.  
> Anyway. Another day, another total vote blowout. Well, you asked for it, so here it is.

After several rotations, the bottle eventually runs out of steam, and it comes to a complete halt in front of **Matthew "MatPat" Patrick.**

Cue hysterics from a good chunk of the group. Colleen laughs until tears come out of her eyes, Teala gasps and guffaws at the same time, Jc snorts, Safiya suppresses a snicker, and Joey doubles over into a cackling mess. But no one's laughing harder than Nikita. The blonde collapses to the floor, clutches her chest, and practically howls at the ceiling.

"I don't get it," says Rosanna. "Can someone tell me what's so funny?"

Manny looks absolutely mortified.

It's Colleen who explains the situation to Rosanna. "He's been pining for Matt's dorky ass for _ages,"_ she giggles through her tears, "and now...omigod, between this and Roila, today's the best day _ever!"_

Nikita, who's still splitting her sides open with laughter, shrieks a string of gibberish at the group. The words "omigod," "I can't believe," and "had to listen" can be heard.

"Will you guys _stop?"_ pleads Manny, who's getting progressively redder.

Matt looks from the bottle to his laughing friends to Manny and back again. "Oh." His brown eyes widen with shocked realization. _"Oh."_

Once everyone's calmed down, Joey grabs the hat. "So, uh, Manny, do you—"

"No." Manny shakes his head. "No dare." 

"That's the spirit," says Jc. "Chase your dreams." He raises an invisible glass.

Joey shrugs. "Yeah, I figured you'd say that. Matt?"

 _"You do_ not _want one of Joey's dares."_ Nikita does a _terrible_ MatPat impression, but the ferocity in her tone gets the point across. _"Never again._ I swear to _God,_ Matt, if you go back on your word—"

"Leave him alone!" snaps Rosanna defensively. "Let him do what he wants!"

"I think I might still have the Chica thing somewhere in this hat," says Joey absentmindedly.

Matt shudders for the second time tonight.

"Whatever you're gonna do, Matt, you oughta do it soon," yawns Colleen. "I don't wanna wait around all night for you to make up your mind."

"I'm thinking about it!" Matt protests.

It's at this point that Nikita loses patience and shoves Matt across the circle to Manny (who appears to be screaming internally). "You _said_ you wouldn't take a dare," she growls as she yanks her pink phone out of her equally pink purse. "I'm _not_ gonna let you break my best friend's heart in front of all these people!"

"Fine!" Matt throws up his hands. "Whatever! He can kiss me! But only because I don't trust Jo—mpgh!"

"Jo—mpgh" is, of course, not a word, as Matt would normally be the first to point out. But whatever Matt was going to say next is silenced by Manny's lips against his. Several people cheer. Nikita smiles and starts recording.

"One Mississippi!" Joey begins, but then, he changes his mind. "One Arizona!"

"One Arizona?!?" exclaims Safiya.

Joey snickers. "It was _his_ idea," he explains, jabbing a thumb at Matt, who's currently in the process of realizing what's happening. "I'm just giving him what he wants! Two Arizona! Three Arizona!"

"Giving people what they want seems to be a theme around here right now," jokes Colleen.

"Four Arizona! Five Arizona!"

Manny's eyes are closed, and his body language indicates that he's completely lost in the moment. He pulls Matt closer to him. Matt, being the competitive person that he is, seems to have come to the conclusion that since he _has_ to do this, he might as well give as good as he gets, so he places his hands on Manny's hips and kisses back.

"Six Arizona! Seven Arizona!"

"Once this is over," says Roi to the group as a whole, "I _really_ gotta pee."

"Eight Arizona! Nine Arizona!"

Poor Rosanna must _once again_ scoot away from what's going on right next to her. This time, she brushes against Safiya, causing the taller girl to chuckle and ruffle her friend's hair. Meanwhile, Nikita, who's still filming, adjusts her position to get a better view.

"Ten Arizona! All right, that's enough!"

Matt pulls away. Manny nearly falls forward, but manages to keep his balance. Nikita's beaming with pride as a _very_ embarrassed Matt returns to sit between her and Rosanna.

Colleen turns to Manny, whose eyes are still closed. "Well, Manny? Did Matt live up to the hype?"

No response.

"Don't bother him," advises Nikita. "I think he's doing that thing he does where he sits and thinks about what just happened so that he can remember it forever." She grins, stops filming, and holds up her phone. "Good thing I'm the best friend in the world, huh?"

"You _recorded_ that?" gulps Matt.

"Matt, everyone's been recording everything from the moment this game started," Colleen points out. "How are you at _all_ surprised by this?"

Matt sighs. "Let's just move on to Jc."

"I still gotta pee!" Roi reminds everyone.

"Okay." Jc picks up the bottle. "Do you want me to wait till you get back?"

But Roi's already halfway out the door. "No, that's okay," he shouts over his shoulder. "Go on without me." He disappears into the hallway.

"I don't know whether I should be insulted by that or not," is Jc's last dry remark before he spins the bottle.

His spin is a bit more lackluster than some of the others', and as a result, it only makes a single complete rotation around the circle. Soon enough, its momentum fades. When that happens, its neck is pointing right at...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jc Caylen steps up to the plate! Let's see who you guys vote for...
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Jc Caylen—??  
> Roi Fabito—??  
> Nikita Dragun—??  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—??  
> Rosanna Pansino—??  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	5. Chill (Jc's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Jc Caylen.  
> LIKES: Hanging out, taking it easy, watching his friends make fools of themselves.  
> DISLIKES: No one knows.  
> TOP CONSPIRACY THEORY ABOUT HIM: That he's actually a robot sent to school by government scientists in order to study how teenagers interact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That voting session was a bit more hectic, but we _do_ have a winner. Sorry if this chapter is a bit short. There's not a lot of drama with Jc.

His spin is a bit more lackluster than some of the others', and as a result, it only makes a single complete rotation around the circle. Soon enough, its momentum fades. When that happens, its neck is pointing right at **Colleen Ballinger.**

"Colleen _again?"_ gasps Nikita. 

"What can I say," says Colleen, tossing her head. "I'm popular."

Teala giggles. "Jc and Colleen. Now _there's_ a match I never thought would happen." She takes out her phone. "I wish Roi was here to see this. I guess I'll just have to record it for him."

"The social butterfly and the chill wallflower," says Matt, who's already gotten over his Manny-induced embarrassment. "Opposites attract."

Joey grabs the hat. "Jc, do you want a dare?" He sounds _desperate_ for someone to take a dare, which is understandable, since they've gone a full three turns without one.

But Jc waves him off. "Nah. I'm good."

"Colleen?"

"Nope."

Nikita laughs. "Well, they've got _one_ thing in common. They both don't give a fuck."

Matt snaps _"Language!"_ and covers Rosanna's ears. Rosanna squeaks like a squeaky toy as she tries to shake him off, but to no avail.

"I make the first move, right?" says Jc calmly.

"Yep." Colleen taps Manny on the shoulder. "Hey, Manny, I know you're in your little dream world right now, but you gotta move your ass outta the way so Jc can kiss me. Okay?"

Manny's eyes fly back open. "Wait, what? Who's kissing who?"

"You're hopeless," grumbles Colleen.

"I'm kissing Colleen," Jc explains. "Can you _please_ move?"

Manny sighs. "Okay, okay, I'm going." He gets up and moves to the spot formerly occupied by Roi, who has yet to return from his bathroom break.

Now that there's no one in their way, Jc and Colleen are free to get into kissing position. He puts his hands on her waist, and she puts her hands on his shoulders. "All right, Colleen," he says with a smile. "Show me what you got." 

"Gladly," she replies.

With that, Jc leans in and closes the gap between them. This, of course, prompts more cheers from the group.

"One Mississippi!" Joey counts.

Matt opens his mouth to say something, but then thinks better of it.

"Two Mississippi! Three Mississippi! Four Mississippi!"

Jc's attitude towards kissing Colleen is surprisingly nonchalant. He might as well be reading a book, or making a soufflé, or building a treehouse for his friends to use (he actually did that once, two years ago, but the treehouse didn't last long). As for Colleen, she displays her kissing expertise once again, mainly for the sake of showing off, but it doesn't seem _quite_ as impressive the second time around. Then again, _nothing_ is as impressive the second time around.

"Five Mississippi! Six Mississippi! Seven Mississippi! Eight Mississippi!"

"Maybe that Furtado bitch was right," says Nikita. "Maybe Jc really _is_ a robot in disguise."

But Matt shakes his head. "Nikita, this isn't a movie," he tells her. "No one's a robot."

"As far as _you_ know!" she shoots back.

Manny shrugs. "Honestly, I think he's just high."

"Nine Mississippi!"

"You kissed Colleen, like, ten minutes ago," says Teala to Safiya. "What's it like seeing it from a different point of view?"

Safiya chooses not to answer.

"Ten Mississippi! Done!"

Jc and Colleen pull away at the same time. Both of them are wearing the exact same expressions that they had on before the kiss began, which is a first for this particular Spin the Bottle game. "All right, that's done," says Jc matter-of-factly as Manny reclaims his spot in the circle. "It's Roi's turn now. Is he back from the bathroom yet?"

"Nope," says Joey.

"Oh, goddammit," growls Colleen. "If he's not back here in two minutes, I'm gonna go in there and drag him out myself."

Rosanna looks scandalized. "You can't do that! You'd be invading his privacy!"

"It was a _joke,_ sweetheart," Colleen assures her.

The nine friends sit and wait for Roi to return. Finally, after four minutes of silence, Joey rolls his eyes. "Can someone _please_ go check on him?" he asks. "I really wanna finish this game before midnight. I have plans."

"I'll do it," says Jc.

"Thank you."

Jc leaves. Five minutes later, he returns with Roi in tow. _"Finally!"_ exclaims Colleen. "What the hell were you _doing_ in there?"

"I was peeing!" Roi protests.

"Oh, _sure_ you were." Colleen pushes the bottle towards Roi. "You know what? Never mind. Just _spin_ it already."

So Roi spins the bottle, and the task of kissing him falls to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's now Roi's turn, I will now reveal my new rule: _no repeats!_ This means that you guys _cannot_ vote for Teala, because they have already kissed! Choose literally anyone else! Happy voting!
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Jc Caylen—Colleen Ballinger  
> Roi Fabito—??  
> Nikita Dragun—??  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—??  
> Rosanna Pansino—??  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	6. Red Hot Chili Peppers (Roi's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Roi Fabito.  
> LIKES: Superheroes, taking risks, filling his bathtub with things that should not be used to fill bathtubs.  
> DISLIKES: Jenga.  
> NUMBER OF DAYS SINCE HE LAST DID SOMETHING CRAZY AND/OR DANGEROUS: Zero. The Parakeet Incident took place earlier today. Blame Nikita.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is best enjoyed with the song "It Burns Burns Burns" playing in the background. Also, any iCarly references are purely coincidental.

So Roi spins the bottle, and the task of kissing him falls to **Nikita Dragun**...that is, until Roi notices a split-second expression of discomfort flicker across Nikita's pretty face. "I'll take the **dare!"** he announces to the group, puffing his chest out to emphasize his point.

 _"Yes!"_ Joey is positively gleeful as he grabs his hat.

"Of _course_ Roi's the first one to take the dare," says Safiya. "He's had the least kissing experience out of any of us, _and_ he does reckless things on a daily basis. It's the perfect storm."

 _"And_ he's gaga for Teala," giggles Colleen.

Teala scowls. "He is _not!"_

Nikita tosses her proud head and tries to act unfazed ("Suit yourself, bitch! I'd have done the same, honestly!"), but when no one else is looking, she silently offers Roi a brief glance of gratitude

"Roi," frets Matt, "are you _sure_ you wanna do this?" He seems genuinely concerned for Roi's well-being.

"Um, Matt, you're talking to the guy who set Tana Mongeau's parakeet loose in math class this morning," Manny points out.

Colleen laughs at the memory. "Ms. Wojcicki was _so_ pissed!"

Joey brings the hat to Roi, cackling like a maniac as he does so. "Pick a dare, any dare," he says in a singsong voice. Everyone else cranes their necks to get a better look at Roi as he reaches his hand into the hat. The young daredevil pulls out a piece of paper and reads it.

_Eat one of the extra spicy red hot chili peppers in Joey's mom's kitchen. You MUST eat the whole pepper. You CANNOT drink water, milk, or any other beverage until it is finished._

Rosanna's jaw drops. _"What?_ That's _awful!"_

"See, _this_ is why I don't do Joey's dares," remarks Matt. He winces.

"Hey, Manny," says Nikita, "remember that time _you_ dared me to eat one of Joey's mom's peppers?"

"I did _not_ dare you to eat the pepper," Manny insists. _"You_ said 'I'm gonna eat the pepper' and _I_ said 'no, Nikita, don't eat the pepper' and _you_ said 'don't tell me what to do, bitch,' and _then_ you ate the pepper."

"Whatever. Point is, it _sucked."_

Joey looks like a super-villain who's about to break out into an evil laugh. "Do you accept this dare, Roi?" he sneers. "Or are you gonna change your mind and kiss Nikita?"

"I'll eat the pepper," says Roi bravely.

"Goodbye, Roi Fabito." Colleen salutes her little buddy. "I'll say nice things about you at your funeral."

Teala responds with a swift shove that comes close to knocking Colleen over. "Shut up!"

Joey goes to the kitchen and comes back with a red hot chili pepper. "Here you go," he chirps innocently, handing the pepper to Roi. "Bon appetit!"

"Roi, it's not too late to change your mind!" shouts Matt. "There's no shame—"

But Roi has already tossed the pepper into his mouth. He begins to chew. His friends sit silently, their hearts in their throats, waiting for the consequences of his actions to kick in.

And kick in they do. Roi's brown eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets as the fire hits his system. He screams through a closed mouth. His shaking hands grip the carpet beneath him. He almost spits out the pepper, but he somehow manages to keep chewing, even as tears trickle down his cheeks.

Rosanna shrieks. Manny's hands fly to his mouth. Colleen appears torn between worry and fascination.

 _"Roi!"_ Teala screams as she runs to his side.

Finally, Roi swallows, gasps for air, and waves his hands in front of his open mouth in an effort to fan away the invisible flames. "Water," he cries. "I need water. Please."

"Joey Graceffa," Matt declares, "you're _sick."_

"Agreed," says Colleen.

Joey shrugs. "Hey, at least Roi _took_ the dare! That makes him braver than both of you combined!"

This provokes twin outbursts of outrage from Matt and Colleen, and before long, the whole _circle_ is yelling at Joey. Well, except for Roi, who flees to the kitchen to recover from the red hot chili pepper, and Teala, who escorts him there.

Once things have settled down, Rosanna notices the disappearances. "Where are Roi and Teala?"

"I don't know," says Jc, "but I think we better just leave them alone."

Colleen smirks.

"My turn!" Nikita nearly breaks the bottle in the process of grabbing it. "Time to show you bitches what I'm made of!"

"You got this, Nikita!" cheers Manny, flashing a thumbs-up in her direction.

Nikita twirls the bottle around the circle. It spins elegantly, and it doesn't stop until it's reached...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're now officially halfway through this fic! Man, time flies! Up next: everyone's favorite Troublemaker _finally_ gets a chance to pucker up. (Or _does_ she?) Choose someone for her!
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Jc Caylen—Colleen Ballinger  
> Roi Fabito—Nikita Dragun (Dare)  
> Nikita Dragun—??  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—??  
> Rosanna Pansino—??  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	7. Who's the Better Kisser? (Nikita's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Nikita Dragun.  
> LIKES: Looking hot, buying stuff they cannot, causing trouble.  
> DISLIKES: When people mess with her.  
> THE LAST TIME SHE THREW A PUNCH: Two weeks ago, when some other kid called her a nasty name. That kid ended up in the ER. She ended up in detention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't know this was a ship. I need to brush up on the Trends.

Nikita twirls the bottle around the circle. It spins elegantly, and it doesn't stop until it's reached **Matthew "MatPat" Patrick.**

"Well, damn," is Colleen's reaction. "Looks like MattyPatty's getting a taste of _both_ the Pretty Committee tonight."

"You're not allowed to call me MattyPatty," Matt grumbles.

Joey holds the hat out to Nikita, but the blonde shrinks away from it like it's a deadly weapon. "Forget it!" she snaps. "We _all_ just saw what happened to Roi! I'm not touching that goddamn hat with a ten-foot pole, you crazy bitch!"

"Didn't think that a girl like you would run away from trouble," Joey chuckles.

"I like trouble," she replies, "but _that's_ not trouble! _That's_ sadistic!"

Their host shrugs. "Suit yourself. Matt, what about you?"

A familiar shade of mortification illuminates Matt's face. "I'll kiss her." He doesn't provide an explanation for his choice. At this point in the game, he doesn't need one.

"This is your fault, Joey," says Jc matter-of-factly. "If it hadn't been for that stunt with Roi, Nikita would've probably taken your dare." He glances towards the kitchen. "Speaking of Roi, do you guys think he's okay?"

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine," is Joey's response.

Colleen curls her hands into fists. "He _better_ be fine," she snarls. "If he dies, I'll _never_ forgive you."

"Colleen, you're being overdramatic," sighs Safiya. "No one's going to die. Let's just get this over with."

"Amen to that, Saf," Manny agrees.

Fortunately, Matt and Nikita happen to be sitting next to each other, so there's no need for either of them to crawl across the circle or force anyone else out of the way. Nikita squints at Matt's face as if she's studying him through a microscope. "Well," she snarks, "at least I'll get to see what all the fuss is about."

"I could say the same for you," deadpans Matt.

What follows is the most ruthless kiss of all time.

"One Mississippi! Two Mississippi! Three Mississippi! Four Mississippi!"

Both Nikita and Matt are strong-willed people with downright dangerous competitive streaks, and both of them have been known to put a hundred percent into everything they do. That _includes_ kissing. Nikita, unlike Matt, hasn't gotten a chance to show off her powers yet, but her aggressive style _more_ than makes up for lost time. Of course, Matt is a _pro_ at keeping up with her.

"Five Mississippi!"

Colleen wrinkles her nose as she records the proceedings. "They look like they're fighting in kiss form. Are they _trying_ to short-circuit each other's brains?"

"Knowing them," says Safiya, "probably."

"Six Mississippi! Seven Mississippi!"

"You know," remarks Jc, "I just realized that Ro and Joey are the only ones who haven't kissed anyone yet."

"It's because she's too pure and he's too evil," is Colleen's explanation.

"Eight Mississippi! Nine Mississippi! Ten Mississippi! And done!"

Matt and Nikita break apart. "All right," Nikita admits, "so you're a better kisser than I thought you were gonna be. A for effort." She straightens her wig. "I still don't wanna sleep with you, though."

"I never said _I_ wanted to—"

"Matt, the world must know!" shouts Colleen, pointing an imaginary microphone across the circle to where Matt is sitting. "Who's the better kisser? Nikita or Manny?"

Poor Matt looks even _more_ embarrassed than he did before. "That's not fair, Colleen," he huffs. "They have different styles. It's like comparing apples and oranges."

Colleen nods. "Okay, but that doesn't answer my question. Who did you prefer?"

"You'll never know."

_"Argh!"_

"Seriously, is Roi okay?" Jc frets. "He and Teala _still_ haven't come back from the kitchen."

"Maybe I should bake him something nice," suggests Rosanna.

Safiya smiles at the smallest member of the group. "That's a good idea, Ro. But we should probably wait until after the game is over. That way, we'll have more time to perfect the recipe."

"That's true," Matt agrees. "You never want to rush a baking project." Then, after a pause, "Can I help you guys?"

Rosanna beams at him. "Of _course_ you can."

"First things first!" Joey crows. "It's _finally_ your turn, Matt! Spin the bottle! Let's see where it lands!"

"Oh, joy," says Matt sarcastically.

"You can do it, Matt!" cheers Rosanna. "I believe in you!"

Jc chuckles. "This is gonna be, what, Matt's _third_ kiss of the game? Didn't know Mr. 'Mario's a Psychopath' was so popular around here."

Matt rolls his eyes and spins the bottle. His spin seems a lot more precise and calculated than it actually is, which says a _lot_ about his personality. His nervous gaze is fixed on the bottle as it rotates. Eventually, it stops in front of...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now it's time for MatPat himself! Hooray! Pick a partner for our boy! Remember, no repeats...
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Jc Caylen—Colleen Ballinger  
> Roi Fabito—Nikita Dragun (Dare)  
> Nikita Dragun—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—??  
> Rosanna Pansino—??  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	8. Super Genius Babies (Matt's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Matthew "MatPat" Patrick.  
> LIKES: Video games, pop culture, overanalyzing everything.  
> DISLIKES: Joey's dares.  
> NERD LEVELS: Through the roof, according to Colleen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MatPat, the Man of Many Ships. Golly gee. That was the closest vote we've had yet.  
> (Also, sorry that this chapter was late. I wanted to finish the novel chapter first.)

Matt rolls his eyes and spins the bottle. His spin seems a lot more precise and calculated than it actually is, which says a lot about his personality. His nervous gaze is fixed on the bottle as it rotates. Eventually, it stops in front of **Safiya Nygaard.**

"Wait." Safiya narrows her eyes. "I have to kiss _Matt_ now?"

"I guess that's how it works," Matt replies.

Colleen snickers.

Joey mumbles Matt's name halfheartedly, but convincing Matthew "MatPat" Patrick to take a dare is a lost cause, and everyone knows it. Sure enough, Matt shakes his head and says "I choose to kiss her."

"Oh, wow," snarks Nikita. "What a surprise. Who could've seen _that_ coming."

"I'm gonna move," Rosanna decides. She scurries out of the way and goes to sit in Teala's empty spot.

"Matt and Saf are two of the smartest people I know," muses Jc, leaning back as he talks. "If they got married and had kids, do you think those kids would be, like, super geniuses?"

Manny groans. "Jc, this is why people think you're a robot."

"No one's having anyone's super genius kids," snaps Safiya.

"Okay," Joey chuckles, "but are you gonna kiss him? Or are you gonna—"

"Just kiss me, Matt," sighs Safiya, leaning in so that her lips are in perfect kissing range of Matt's. "But don't be all competitive about it. I'm not anyone you need to impress, and I'm not in love with you, either. Just keep it simple." Her face is red with embarrassment. "Besides, I got enough of the show-off type of kissing from Miss Dancing Princess over there."

"You _liked_ it!" yells Colleen, who's recording things as usual.

Matt immediately bridges the gap between himself and his bat-like friend.

"One Mississippi! Two Mississippi!"

Jc clearly hasn't let his "genius baby" idea go. "Seriously, imagine a Matt/Saf kid. They'd probably be smart enough to cure cancer or something."

"Are you saying Matt and Saf _need_ to bang for the good of the human race?" Colleen frowns. "I think you've been reading too many of Teala's stupid romance novels."

"Three Mississippi! Four Mississippi! Five Mississippi!"

Matt's holding himself back from unleashing his full power. Instead, his kiss with Safiya is firm but careful, as if he wants to impress her without sending her into a daze. Safiya returns the kiss in her typical Safiya way: stoic, savvy, and street-smart, although there's still a faint hint of tenderness for her close friend.

"Six Mississippi! Seven Mississippi! Eight Mississippi!"

"Guys," Manny frets, "Roi and Teala _still_ aren't back yet..."

"Nine Mississippi! Ten Mississippi! Done!"

Matt and Safiya end their kiss, and Rosanna is free to return to her place between them. She looks _very_ relieved. Her two best friends, on the other hand, appear to be flustered about what they've done. "I hope this won't ruin our baking plans with Ro," says Matt.

"It won't," Safiya assures him. "Colleen was right. It's just a game. None of it's supposed to be taken seriously."

"So I guess this means that the super genius babies aren't happening?" jokes Jc.

Safiya narrows her eyes at the curly-haired boy. "Of _course_ they're not happening. We're _friends._ I'm sure Matt is perfectly capable of finding someone else to have his babies."

"But they won't be _super genius_ babies," whines Nikita in a voice that sounds like a cross between Jc and Veruca Salt.

"Why are we talking about having babies right now?" Matt demands to know. "I'm _seventeen_ for Pete's sake! I'm not _ready_ to be a father!"

"Guys!" Manny shouts, bringing the conversation about babies to an abrupt end. "Roi and Teala are still freakin' missing! Someone needs to go find them and make sure that Roi's not dead!"

Colleen stands up. "I'll do it," she says. "Who knows? Maybe they're making out."

"Colleen, now is _not_ the time," mutters Safiya. "Just go find them."

So Colleen takes her leave. Two minutes later, she returns with Roi and Teala. "I found the fugitives!" she crows. "No one is dead! Now we can all enjoy Ro's turn without worrying about Roimeo and Tealet!"

_"Roimeo and Tealet?!?"_

"I'm gonna spin now," says Rosanna.

So she spins. The bottle putters around the circle, not unlike Rosanna herself when she's running away from something. After what seems like forever, it lands on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, look, it's our adorable little Ro! So cute! So innocent! Now make her kiss somebody.
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Jc Caylen—Colleen Ballinger  
> Roi Fabito—Nikita Dragun (Dare)  
> Nikita Dragun—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—Safiya Nygaard  
> Rosanna Pansino—??  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	9. A Rose By Any Other Name (Rosanna's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Rosanna Pansino.  
> LIKES: Baking, kindness, her friends.  
> DISLIKES: Arguments.  
> PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE HER: Those with no soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so close! I'm sorry if your ship didn't win!

So she spins. The bottle putters around the circle, not unlike Rosanna herself when she's running away from something. After what seems like forever, it lands on **Safiya Nygaard.**

 _"Again?"_ exclaims Safiya. "Is this bottle magnetically _drawn_ to me or something?"

Her reaction causes Rosanna to turn pale. "If you don't wanna kiss me," squeaks the small brunette, "you don't have to. I know you've kissed a lot of people already, and you probably need a break, so I can take the—"

"Like _hell_ am I letting you take that dare," Safiya growls protectively, wrapping an arm around Rosanna's shoulders.

Matt shields the girls from the hat, glowering at Joey as he does so. Manny, Nikita, Colleen, and Teala raise their voices in concerned protest. Roi vehemently shakes his head. Even _Joey_ shudders at the thought of little Rosanna Pansino attempting one of his dares.

"Oh, okay," says Rosanna. "I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Safiya smiles. "It's okay, Ro. I'm fine with it. Really."

"Then I'll kiss you," Rosanna declares, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

"Normally, this is the part where I ask Saf if she wants the dare or not," explains Joey, "but I think she's made her position on that _quite_ clear, so let's just move on to the kiss!"

Colleen chuckles. "To think that we had to coax Safiya into playing this game in the first place. _Now_ look at her! She's a kissing _magnet!_ Her and Matt both! What is this, _Revenge of the Nerds?"_

"I'm kinda nervous," Rosanna admits as she pulls Safiya into a tight little hug. "I've never kissed a girl before."

"Wait, you've kissed a _boy_ before?" Nikita asks incredulously.

Rosanna nods.

"Huh." Nikita frowns at the floor. "I gotta admit, it's kinda hard to imagine the Living Embodiment of Pure Goodness making out with some random son of a bitch."

"She's a _teenage girl,_ Nikita," Matt snaps. "She can do whatever she wants."

"I know! It's just...come on! She looks like she's _ten!"_

Safiya ignores them. "It's the same as kissing a boy," she tells Rosanna. "Go for it. Remember, it's all just a game."

Rosanna closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and seals the deal.

"One Mississippi!"

Since Rosanna is, well, _Rosanna,_ her kiss is simple, sweet, and pure. It's not anything super intense like some of her friends' kisses, but there's a _lot_ of heart behind it, and that's all that matters. Safiya does everything in her power to make her friend as comfortable and happy as possible throughout the experience.

"Two Mississippi! Three Mississippi! Four Mississippi! Five Mississippi! Six Mississippi!"

"Nikita's right," says Teala. "It's weird to see Rosanna kissing someone. It's like seeing a teacher at the grocery store."

Colleen glares at her. "Shut up, Teala! _I_ happen to think that it's adorable!"

"Seven Mississippi! Eight Mississippi!"

 _"That thing we call a Rose by any other name would smell as sweet,"_ recites Matt for no reason.

Manny raises an eyebrow. "That's Shakespeare, right?"

"Nine Mississippi!"

"It's _Romeo and Juliet,"_ says Matt proudly. "The theater department's putting it on this fall. I'm gonna audition. You guys can, too, if you want."

"Oh, of _course_ you're taking the opportunity to advertise the school play," snarks Nikita.

"What? It's fun! Last year, we did _Of Mice and Men,_ and I was George, and—"

"—and you shot that Oakley kid in the head," recalls Jc. "The whole auditorium was in tears."

"Ten Mississippi!"

Rosanna gently detaches herself from Safiya. "Did I do okay?" she asks. "I mean, I tried my best, but like I said, I'm pretty new at this, so if there's anything I did wrong—"

"You did fine, Ro," replies Safiya. "Don't worry about it."

Matt pats Rosanna on the back.

"Is this game almost over?" Roi wants to know. "My throat still kinda hurts, and I wanna go home."

"Two more turns," Joey insists.

Colleen stifles a laugh when she sees who's up next. "Oh, Safiya," she chortles. "You really _are_ the new queen of this game. I'm gonna have to hand over my crown in a minute."

"Can't we just skip my turn?" pleads Safiya. "I've already kissed three people!"

But Joey says "nope" and hands her the bottle.

Safiya spins. All eyes follow the bottle as it travels in a perfect sphere around the circle. When it finally lands, it lands on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time has _finally_ come for my s3 fave to spin the bottle! Who should she lock lips with? It's up to you.
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Jc Caylen—Colleen Ballinger  
> Roi Fabito—Nikita Dragun (Dare)  
> Nikita Dragun—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—Safiya Nygaard  
> Rosanna Pansino—Safiya Nygaard  
> Safiya Nygaard—??  
> Joey Graceffa—??


	10. Fire and Ice (Safiya's Turn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Safiya Nygaard.  
> LIKES: The 1970s, solving puzzles, black anything.  
> DISLIKES: Things that make no sense.  
> NUMBER OF KISSES SHE'S HAD: Four, counting this one. Not bad for a girl who didn't want to play in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't know that Saf had so many ships.

Safiya spins. All eyes follow the bottle as it travels in a perfect sphere around the circle. When it finally lands, it lands on **Nikita Dragun.**

"Honestly, I'm not even surprised anymore," snarks Nikita, rolling her eyes at this new development.

"Me neither," Safiya admits. "I guess it's time for another kiss."

Joey frowns. "But do you wanna take the—"

 _"No!"_ both girls yell at the same time.

"Smart move." Teala crosses her arms and glares at Joey. "Honestly, I say we take that stupid hat and set it on fire. We can even roast marshmallows over it! It'll be fun!"

Colleen shakes her head. "Nah. I have a better idea."

"What is it?" Manny asks.

"You'll see."

Everyone ignores the danger in Colleen's tone and chooses instead to focus on Safiya and Nikita, who are preparing to kiss. Nikita looks like she'd rather be pulling teeth, but she puts her hands on Safiya's shoulders anyway. "I already kissed _one_ dork tonight," declares the blonde. "Might as well kiss the other one."

Matt looks scandalized. "I'm _not_ a dork!"

"Shh, yes, you are," whispers Colleen, "and we love you for it."

"Don't forget, it's _my_ turn after this," Joey reminds the group.

Manny rolls his eyes. "It's not always about you, bitch."

Colleen sniggers.

Safiya leans in and kisses Nikita. Rosanna claps. Manny cheers. Matt seems torn between interest and trepidation.

"One Mississippi! Two Mississippi! Three Mississippi! Four Mississippi! Five Mississippi!"

Safiya's kiss is, as usual, calm, cool, and collected, but Nikita's not making it easy for her. The shorter girl is just as aggressive as she was with Matt, and it looks like she's trying to bite Safiya's face off. Poor Safiya appears to be worried that Nikita actually _will_ bite her face off. Honestly, knowing Nikita, it's a rational fear.

"Six Mississippi!"

"Damn, talk about fire and ice," is Jc's observation. "Imagine what _their_ babies would be like."

Matt sighs. "Jc, you _really_ need to stop speculating about everyone's babies. First of all, we're _teenagers._ Second of all, Saf and Nikita are both girls, so it's biologically impossible for them to have babies together, unless they used adoption, a surrogate, or artificial insemination."

"Artificial what-now?" asks Roi, clearly befuddled by Matt's terminology.

"Seven Mississippi!"

"Is Safiya gonna be okay after this?" worries Teala.

"Oh, she'll be fine," Manny assures her. "This is just Nikita being Nikita."

"Eight Mississippi! Nine Mississippi! Ten Mississippi! And that's it! It's over!"

Safiya yanks her head away from Nikita. "Good grief!" she exclaims. "You're good, Nikita, but you don't have to be so _intense_ about it! It's just a game, you know!"

"I know," says Nikita casually.

"Well, enough of that!" giggles Joey. "It's _finally_ my—"

"Oh, no, you don't." This scarily calm outburst comes from Colleen, who is currently dangling the bottle out of Joey's reach. "You don't _get_ a kiss. Not after what you did to Roi."

Roi gulps. "Colleen, you don't have to—"

"Yes, I _do,_ Roi!" Colleen insists. "You almost _died_ because of that chili pepper, and furthermore, you missed a big chunk of the action! Now, it's _his_ turn to miss out on some action!" She grabs the hat. "Joey Graceffa, you are _legally required_ to take a dare!"

This announcement is greeted by raucous cheers from the rest of the group.

"What if I refuse?" Joey snaps.

Colleen's grin is that of a snake about to devour its prey. "If you refuse," she sneers, "I'll call you 'Chicken Graceffa' for the rest of the year. And so will everyone else."

Everyone laughs. Joey's face turns purple. Colleen hands the hat to a suddenly enthusiastic Roi.

"I hate you guys so much," Joey grumbles.

"Well, Joey?" snickers Matt. "Are you gonna take the dare?"

_"Fine."_

So begins the most embarrassing experience of Joey Graceffa's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right, folks. Joey _must_ do a dare. It's his karmic punishment for making Roi eat that chili pepper! Suggest your best dares in the comments below (nothing life-threatening or overly sexual, please), and I will choose my favorite one as the dare he has to perform in the finale. Let's finish strong!
> 
> Turns:  
> Teala Dunn—Roi Fabito  
> Colleen Ballinger—Safiya Nygaard  
> Manny Mua—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Jc Caylen—Colleen Ballinger  
> Roi Fabito—Nikita Dragun (Dare)  
> Nikita Dragun—Matthew "MatPat" Patrick  
> Matthew "MatPat" Patrick—Safiya Nygaard  
> Rosanna Pansino—Safiya Nygaard  
> Safiya Nygaard—Nikita Dragun  
> Joey Graceffa—A Mandatory Dare...muahahahahahaha...


	11. Karma's a Bitch (Joey's Turn + The Finale)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NAME: Joey Graceffa.  
> LIKES: Theatrics, throwing parties, having fun.  
> DISLIKES: Disgusting stuff.  
> REGRETS: Everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omigosh, all of you guys' dares were _so good!_ It's _such_ a shame that I could only choose one. (I might use the others in future stories! Who knows!) So, ultimately, I went with a combination of the dares provided by Adopppp and Alice_not_in_Wonderland. I hope you enjoy watching Joey be disgusted, followed by a fluffy ending of fluff!

_"Fine."_

Joey reluctantly pulls a dare out of the hat in Roi's hands. He takes a deep breath, unfolds the piece of paper, smooths it out, and reads it aloud to his nine suspiciously eager friends.

_Drink a mystery smoothie made by your friends._

Rosanna claps her hands. "Oh, yay! We get to make a smoothie!"

"Not just _any_ smoothie," Colleen sneers. "A _mystery_ smoothie. We get to put in anything we want, and _he_ has to drink it. Isn't that right, Joey?"

"Screw you," Joey whimpers.

Colleen tosses her head, clearly proud of herself. "All right, gang! To the kitchen! Let's make Joey a smoothie that he'll _never_ forget!"

The kitchen has already been ransacked by the time everyone gets there. "Oh, what a shame," says Teala nonchalantly. "All the milk is gone. Guess Joey's not getting any milk in his smoothie, huh?" She pours an entire bottle of ranch dressing into a nearby blender. "Well, I'm sure _this_ is a suitable replacement."

"Perfect!" Colleen adds a lemon, grinning like a madwoman as she does so. "Who wants to go next?"

Manny steps up. "I actually had a nice time tonight," he says, "so I'll be generous." He throws a few cups of maple syrup into the blender. "Everyone likes syrup, right?"

"You know what _else_ everyone likes?" Jc opens the fridge, grabs an egg from its carton, and cracks it open. "Eggs." The raw egg goes into the blender along with the rest of the ingredients.

"Are you _sure_ about this?" frets Rosanna. "What if we poison him?"

"Then it's his own damn fault," is Colleen's reply.

Roi's next. He considers his options, but then, his gaze falls on Joey's mom's chili peppers—the same chili peppers that caused him so much pain. He snatches up one of those peppers and hurls it into the blender.

"You go, buddy!" cheers Colleen.

"You bitches are too nice," Nikita scoffs. She spices up the concoction with mustard, ketchup, and a half-eaten hot dog that was probably being saved for someone. "If you wanna make him suffer, you gotta go all out!"

Matt smiles. "Good thinking." His contribution is half a bottle of Cheez Whiz. "That's for Chica."

"How come no one told _me_ about the Chica thing before tonight?" Nikita snaps. "Did any of you get a picture? I wanna see—"

But Matt shakes his head. "Forget it, Nikita. I made sure that those photos never saw the light of day."

_"Dammit."_

"I'm sorry, Joey!" squeaks Rosanna as she adds some marshmallow fluff to the drink.

Safiya tops it off with a bit of barbecue sauce.

Once they have all their ingredients, Colleen uses the blender to blend the whole mess together into a chunky, disgusting goop that can barely be classified as a smoothie. She then proceeds to pour the goop out of the blender and into a cup. "All done," she chirps in a singsong voice. "Joey, come here! It's time to have your drink!"

Joey walks into the kitchen. As soon as he sees what his friends have prepared for him, he gags. "Are you _kidding_ me? I am _not_ drinking that nasty freakin' smoothie!"

"So you'd prefer to be 'Chicken Graceffa' for the rest of the year?" giggles Colleen.

Poor Joey has no choice. As much as he hates disgusting things, he _can't_ risk being saddled with an embarrassing nickname like "Chicken Graceffa." So he takes a deep breath, holds his nose, makes a face, and chugs the whole smoothie in one go. Everyone cheers.

Two seconds after he swallows the last of his treat, Joey's face turns green. He runs for the bathroom.

"Joey!" Rosanna cries out. "Joey, are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine," chuckles Colleen.

When Joey comes back five minutes later, he's still gagging. "Y-you're gonna _pay_ for this, Colleen," he groans between dry heaves.

"Honestly," says Colleen, "after Roi, I think we're even. Besides, _you_ were the one who came up with that dare."

"You were hoisted by you own petard," is Matt's interpretation of the situation.

Nikita's thoughts are more to the point. "Karma's a bitch!"

All of a sudden, the group hears a bunch of loud noises coming from outside. Rosanna looks out the window to see what's going on. "Fireworks!" she gasps. "The neighbors must be setting them off again!"

"Shall we watch them together?" suggests Safiya.

Colleen's face softens. "That actually sounds like a really good idea."

And so, ten wonderful friends put aside their differences, leave Joey's house, cuddle up on the lawn, and watch with wide eyes as fireworks illuminate the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ends The Obligatory Spin the Bottle Fic! What happens next? Do any of these crazy kids _actually_ get together? Or do they all stay friends? I think I will leave the future up to you. ;)  
>  But what did you think of the story? What was your favorite part? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!  
> Now, if you'll excuse me, I must return to the novel. I have another character to kill.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Spin the Bottle (Season 1 Edition)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16366262) by [Lucy112235](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy112235/pseuds/Lucy112235)
  * [Crushed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16446914) by [Bird_Of_Scarlet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bird_Of_Scarlet/pseuds/Bird_Of_Scarlet)
  * [Spin the Bottle (Season 2)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16515848) by [ETNMystic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ETNMystic/pseuds/ETNMystic)




End file.
